Changing low beam headlight bulb

[G-Man]

Not sure if I'm venting or begging for help. If there's a trick, please advise...

Okay, I'm wondering just what sort of pyschotically angry, anti-social, mechanic-hating, origami-champion, automotive engineer designed the low beam headlight bulb insertion/retention system in the 2002 Protege5? Or, for that matter, any of a half-dozen other cars of various makes and models I've tried to change bulbs on in the last ten years.

Seriously.
It appears the proper way to change these bulbs involves having your trained octopus use its fingernails to exert precisely 118 foot-pounds of torque on a teeny, recessed wire located out of sight.

Among other issues, it's hard to find an octopus with fingernails. Who is correctly trained. And understands how much torque to use. Need I go on?

Fine, I will. You can see the bulb, from afar. Touch the bulb, in a cramped-hand, groping teenage back-seat of the car never-done-this-before sort of way.

You can almost reach the bulb, and all its connectors. Touch them. Fondle them. Caress them. But not get a grip on them and move the damn wire the right way. (Hey, are we back to that teenage exploration thing?)

Sso far, I've spent 45 joyous minutes bent over the car in the cold garage with my back spasming. Which interrupts my stream of cursing.

Did I mention the high beam bulb is a piece of cake? A normal-sized adult hand can change it in 45 seconds. A weight-lifting four-year-old could it in 18 seconds. (Not that there are a lot of those around my neighborhood, not since the police raid.)

Sigh. No one has a tougher life. Really. Those refugees getting shot at in Darfur? Pshaw. It's nothing compared to this.

[G-Man]

I finished the job. It required a four-foot crowbar and some zircon-encrusted tweezers.

[RX-7 Chris]

sounds about right for a newer car. What was so wrong with the way they used to do it? To do my wifes saturn, I had to remove the battery and air box.