Funny Stuff

[RX-7 Chris]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (AIM WO4 @ Nov 9 2007, 11:09 AM) [url=index.php?act=findpost&pid=10171]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/url]</div>

Thought I'd Translate for the Rednecks.

How To Install A Redneck Home Security System
1. Git to a second-han' sto'e an' buy a pair of men's Wawk Boots size 14-16 (used)
2. Place them on front po'ch, along wif a copy of Gun An' Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant houn'dog dishes next t'th' boots an' magazine
4. Leave a note on yer dore thet reads

Hay Bubba, Trimenjus Jim, Duke, Slim, an' ah gone fo' mo'e ammunishun. Will be back in one hour. Don't mess wif th' pit bulls-- they attacked th' mailman this hyar mo'nin' an' messed him up real bad, cuss it all t' tarnation. ah doesn't reckon Killer took part in it, but it was hard t'tell fum all th' blood, cuss it all t' tarnation. Ennyway, ah locked all of th' houn'dog's in th' house. Better Jest wait outside until we kin git back. Shet mah mouth! Cooter[/b]

Now I get It [img]http://coloradomazdaclub.com/forums/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/guitar.gif[/img]

[MazdaTom]

One day Little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room to check it out. He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and his dad going at it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as Johnny closed the door.

After business was finished Dad went to check on little Johnny. He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her.

Dad yelled, 'Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!'

Little Johnny replied, 'It's not so funny when its your mom is it?!'

[tsx_guy]

that is too f'n funny.... lol!!!

[ZoomPrincess]

LMFAO!!! Oh my that's just wrong, but hilarious!!!

[MazdaGurl]

LMAO! OMG....that's...just wrong!

Here's another one for ya:

These are wonderful home remedies I hadn't thought of before!



AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES



1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.



2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.



3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the shower.



4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.



5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.



6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.



7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.



8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.



Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKYS. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

[AIM WO4]

Jive?

How To Install A Redneck Crib Security System
1. Go t'a second-hand sto'e and steal some pair uh men's Wo'k Boots size 14-16 (used)
2. Place dem on front po'ch, along wid some copy of Gun And Ammo Magazine.
3. Put some few giant dog dishes next t'de boots and issue of GQ
4. Leave some note on yo' doo' dat eyeballs

Hay Bubba, Big Bo-Jangles, Duke, Slim, and ah' gone fo' mo'e ammunishun. Gots'ta be back in one hour. Ah be baaad... Duzn't mess wid de pit bulls-- dey attacked da damn mailman dis mo'nin' and messed him down real baaaad. ah' duzn't dink Wastea' took part in it, but it wuz hard t'tell fum all de blood. Anyway, ah' locked all uh de dog's in de crib. Better Just wait outside until we kin dig back. Ya' know? Cooter

[tsx_guy]

I love this:
"SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKYS. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE
TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS."

[img]http://coloradomazdaclub.com/forums/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

[Huzer21]

The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack It was a difficult decision because they were both excellent workers.

He decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came to work the next morning with a horrible hangover from partying most of the night before.

She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never needed to do this before but I have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit today."

[MazdaGurl]

LOL!!! Good one Tim!

[tsx_guy]

nice...my boss didn't offer me this choice....but he was a dude so perhaps it was better he didn't.

[MazdaTom]

http://www.9news.com/news/watercooler/arti...x?storyid=80874
SOUTHWORTH, Wash. (AP) - A man trying to loosen a stubborn lug nut blasted the wheel with a 12-gauge shotgun, injuring himself badly in both legs, sheriff's deputies said.


The 66-year-old man had been repairing a Lincoln Continental for two weeks at his home northwest of Southworth, about 10 miles southwest of Seattle, and had gotten all but one of the lug nuts off the right rear wheel by Saturday afternoon, Kitsap County Deputy Scott Wilson said.

"He's bound and determined to get that lug nut off," Wilson said.

From about arm's length, the man fired the shotgun at the wheel and was "peppered" in both legs with buckshot and debris, with some injuries as high as his chin, according to a sheriff's office report.

"Nobody else was there and he wasn't intoxicated," Wilson said.

The man was taken to Tacoma General Hospital with injuries Wilson described as severe but not life-threatening.

[tsx_guy]

so did this get the lug nut off then? This guy was almost a Darwin award winner.

[MazdaGurl]

A husband and wife were scheduled to attend a Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the Halloween party alone.
>
> He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by her not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
>
> The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain, and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
>
> So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
>
> His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
>
> After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat.
>
> Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.
>
> She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.
>
> "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
>
> Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
>
> He replied, I'll tell you; I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guy, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening. "
>
> "You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night" she said with unashamed sarcasm.
>
> To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, and apparently he had the time of his life!"

[tsx_guy]

that is seriously messed up..... gross!! but yes funny. [img]http://coloradomazdaclub.com/forums/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif[/img]

[GR-8]

Angie that is nasty. But really hilarious.

I have one that a freind txt messaged me a while back . It's not as good as the others on here but I got a kick out of it.

Guess who's still toghether after all the crap that's gone on between them?









.......Your butt cheeks.