From most loving to heartless??

[speedjunkie]

/\ lol true dat.
But yeah, this girl has PTSD issues she needs to work through, and being alone will help her with that. Give her space and don't contact her anymore, and hopefully with time she will heal and grow strong, and maybe will realize what she threw away and come back to you.

Soon enough, a pretty, godless heathen will come along to snatch you up, chicks are always man-hunting like that. >:)

I'm not contacting her anymore after the email I got a few days ago. Basically she reaffirmed that this isn't because of something I did or didn't do. She said when she saw her sister and her husband taking their vows, she pictured us and couldn't see being married to me for life...wow, that's always good to hear, especially after thinking you have a solid relationship. She asked me to stop talking to her parents. She asked me to take over my phone number...well, before I left, we cancelled my plan and she let me take her ex-husband's number, so it's actually HIS number. She did buy a new phone for me when we switched, and most of my family is on Verizon so it would end up costing less to stay with them, but they really ticked me off by continually sending me bills after closing my account and I told them I wouldn't go back to them and I had planned on moving to AT&T or something. So I'm not sure what to do about this yet.

ANYWAY...I don't want a pretty, godless heathen LOL. I don't care so much about looks, I'd much rather have someone...well, like Kellen, that is VERY similar to me in the ways that matter. Not to say that I thought she wasn't beautiful, I did, but I was more happy with the fact that our personalities were so alike, and we had the same morals and all.

This would have been my warning sign:



I've learned a lot about dating and relationships over my many years... failures and successes.

Dating can be fun if you know what you really need in a partner. Rely on your first impressions, but base them on guidelines.

Bottom line. You will never learn if you never try. Move on.

That's just it, I think we had/have what we NEED in each other. Honestly, I think she just got it in her head that THIS is normal life and got used to doing everything by herself, and coupled with all the stress since I've been gone, she just cracked a little under the pressure.

Another guy, plain & simple. She met a new guy, told him the same things she told you about her Ex (I'm sure it was all BS and she was bored with him ect.) and now it's your turn to have the blame thrown on you as she talks to the new guy.

Seen this many, many times before. She'll deny it 'till her grave that, that's not it, but it is.

Yes, you dodged a bullet....

Normally I'd agree with you, because I've been in that situation before and originally it looked EXACTLY like that, but no. And if you talk to anyone that knows her, they'd say the same thing. She's like me, cheating is not in her makeup. I almost wish it had been cheating, at least then I could say she was lured away by someone and not NOTHING lol.

I'd buy you a beer if I knew you, sorry to hear about this.. read through the whole thread..

Sometimes this makes me feel better:
http://www.break.com/index/bitches_aint_shit_a_capella.html

Well, I don't drink, but thanks for the offer (it's the thought that counts anyway!) and kind words lol. I'm on a gov't computer so I'll check out that link later when I get on one that can access it. Thanks!

to bad this isn't true. I know for a fact, my wife is friends with her.

Exactly. Anyone that truly knows her can tell you it's just not in her. That's one of the things I always loved about her, because I also pride myself on not straying...never have, never will. I just can't do it.

Be strange if it was. My experience has been that women jump from one relationship to another... they generally don't just break up. There's always exceptions but IMO... dudes breakup = want to be single, women breakup = another dude in progress.

Oh I DEFINITELY broke up with the psycho because I wanted to be single haha. But I really think that she just cracked under the pressure, I also think she got scared when she thought back about her last marriage and couldn't remember how things were between us. I think if she gave me a chance when I got home to spend some time together and remind her, she might change her mind, but I'm pretty sure she's gonna run and hide and not even want to see me. I just have that feeling. So in the mean time, I have parts to install on the car, and I'll be attending the meets again I suppose, maybe even try to catch a track day before the end of the year.

[AIM WO4]

Aaaaaah... Young love.

[RX-7 Chris]

I will talk to you about this when you get back. See you soon.

[LaginWagon]

Dude.

"In about June '08 I met Kellen at Firestone near my apartment. We got to talking and really hit it off. However, she was married so I never pressed any further than that. We exchanged numbers anyway because she said I could come over to their house and they would make dinner for me or whatever.

Fast forward to Dec '08. She texted me for the first time since Firestone and asked what I was doing. I told her I was about to deploy. We kept in touch while I was deployed Jan - May '09, and we talked A LOT. It was during that time that I detected that she was VERY unhappy in her marriage."

Are you serious? This IS cheating. She is a cheater! You didn't "detect" anything more than what she was wanting you to think/feel. I don't care how well you think you know/knew her, or how well Chris's wife knows her. She is doing the same thing she did with you. Women will lie to the death for their friends.

Sorry Chris, but I guarantee your wife knows much more than you think about this and you're not hearing all of it. Not saying your wife is devious ect. she's just a good friend to said chick.

[RX-7 Chris]

Dude.



Are you serious? This IS cheating. She is a cheater! You didn't "detect" anything more than what she was wanting you to think/feel. I don't care how well you think you know/knew her, or how well Chris's wife knows her. She is doing the same thing she did with you. Women will lie to the death for their friends.

Sorry Chris, but I guarantee your wife knows much more than you think about this and you're not hearing all of it. Not saying your wife is devious ect. she's just a good friend to said chick.

There is a lot more to this story than you think. There is aways two sides to every story.

[erod550]

She's like me, cheating is not in her makeup.

I'm with LaginWagon. She was cheating on her husband with you when you two started dating before she was divorced.

[Number2]

If there's one thing I've learned from listening to stories from friends in their late 30's and 40's as well as through my own experiences, it's that there's a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y no rush.

Besides, from what I've read, 35 is the new 25. We don't have to settle down, get married, buy a house and pop out kids before we're 30 (to put it bluntly). Have fun doing what it is you are doing. Keep yourself occupied and your brain busy with something; following something you find interesting, or a hobby. A relationship will fall into place when the time is right.

You seem like a good guy, there are plenty of women out there who would long for nothing more than a nice, relationship attuned guy. It sounds to me as if things were great, but then you discovered another side of her (not too uncommon with women) and all of a sudden things aren't what they used to be. She seems like a bad egg, and you were smart to not commit to marriage so soon. Don't sell yourself short!

[Ranger]

If there's one thing I've learned from listening to stories from friends in their late 30's and 40's as well as through my own experiences, it's that there's a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y no rush.

I agree, but...

there are plenty of women out there who would long for nothing more than a nice, relationship attuned guy.

...if that's true, send them my way, 'cause they sure are playing hard to get

I also don't think it's fair to automatically assume that Kellen was / is cheating. Sure it's the most obvious explanation, but without knowing her I just don't think it's right to jump to conclusions, not even based on past experience with other women.

[LaginWagon]

There is a lot more to this story than you think. There is aways two sides to every story.

Three sides Chris. Yours, mine, and the truth ;-)

[speedjunkie]

I will talk to you about this when you get back. See you soon.

Can't wait. If you know more, you gotta fess up haha.

Dude.



Are you serious? This IS cheating. She is a cheater! You didn't "detect" anything more than what she was wanting you to think/feel. I don't care how well you think you know/knew her, or how well Chris's wife knows her. She is doing the same thing she did with you. Women will lie to the death for their friends.

Sorry Chris, but I guarantee your wife knows much more than you think about this and you're not hearing all of it. Not saying your wife is devious ect. she's just a good friend to said chick.

Uh, yes dude, I am serious. Do you know her? Um, nope, you sure don't, not even close to as well as I do, even if I don't know her as well as I did. If you don't know her, you don't really know the situation. Yes, in the beginning I thought this was the case because I've been through it before and it seemed the same. Since I've learned more and/or thought it out, it is NOT the case. Believe what you want, but you'd still be wrong. Lumping all women together in one group is pretty stupid dude, just like when some of them lump us all into one group. You can take the easy way out if you want and just think "oh well it MUST be cheating", or you can look at it logically, taking ALL the information (or at least what I've been able to give so far) into account and come to a completely different conclusion.

Why don't you take into account that her ex was abusing her...why WOULDN'T someone want to leave something like that when they see something better come along. Now, take into account the fact that we were super happy together, I not once abused her in any way, SHE was the one wanting to get married before I left...why would anyone want to leave that, other than fearing the upcoming marriage while the other person is away for a few months, coupled with all the stress of work and all. Try to actually think man, please, before you post.

There is a lot more to this story than you think. There is aways two sides to every story.

Then you need to fess up to me HAHA.

I'm with LaginWagon. She was cheating on her husband with you when you two started dating before she was divorced.

Another thing, I agree that falling in love with someone else while married might be cheating, depending on how you look at it. But again, for the reasons I named to Lagin, I still really do not see this as the case. The worst part is I may never know for sure what happened, even after I get back.

Also, I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not, but we were waiting for marriage; just because people date doesn't mean they're having sex.

If there's one thing I've learned from listening to stories from friends in their late 30's and 40's as well as through my own experiences, it's that there's a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y no rush.

Besides, from what I've read, 35 is the new 25. We don't have to settle down, get married, buy a house and pop out kids before we're 30 (to put it bluntly). Have fun doing what it is you are doing. Keep yourself occupied and your brain busy with something; following something you find interesting, or a hobby. A relationship will fall into place when the time is right.

You seem like a good guy, there are plenty of women out there who would long for nothing more than a nice, relationship attuned guy. It sounds to me as if things were great, but then you discovered another side of her (not too uncommon with women) and all of a sudden things aren't what they used to be. She seems like a bad egg, and you were smart to not commit to marriage so soon. Don't sell yourself short!

Well look at it this way, it took me 32 years to finally find someone I wanted to marry, how long will it be before I find this again, ya know? Before her and after the psycho, I was honestly the happiest I'd ever been and was SOO happy with the thought of being single for the rest of my life. But she showed me I can still have the single life AND have a superb life with her too. I'd never met anyone like her, still haven't, and it just sucks thinking this one is slipping away. I really don't think she's a bad egg per se, I just think she's had some rough times in the past and she has to heal from that, and I've learned from all my past relationships that I am NOT Captain Save 'Em. And when we got together, I didn't think she needed saving so much as she just knew what she wanted.

I agree, but...


...if that's true, send them my way, 'cause they sure are playing hard to get

I also don't think it's fair to automatically assume that Kellen was / is cheating. Sure it's the most obvious explanation, but without knowing her I just don't think it's right to jump to conclusions, not even based on past experience with other women.

Thank you, my point exactly. Especially people that don't even know her other than from what I've said, they just know what they've seen before and assume she is the same way.

[LaginWagon]

I'll keep quiet....

[erod550]

I'm not trying to judge her or you or anything, and I wasn't even suggesting you were having sex. Put it this way. If you were married to someone and found out that for 5 months your wife was seriously talking to some other dude and then hanging out with him for a while after that. Would you not feel betrayed? That's all I'm saying. Maybe to Bill Clinton that's not cheating, but to me it is. Cheating doesn't have to be physical. That's all I'm saying and I'll stay out of it from here forward.

[GR-8]

.....Cheating doesn't have to be physical.....

+1 I agree with this statment.

[Stealth01]

Bullet dodged. Chick's head isn't right. Warning signs? Yeah, like every other sentence.

Now dodge the real bullets during your deployment and come home safe.

[Number2]

maybe we could offer him a few words of encouragment, not just take sides on whether she was cheating or not. It's irrelevant at this point.