Funny Stuff

MazdaGurl · Postby **MazdaGurl** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 9:14

FLAT TIRE

Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my
car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the
car and opened the trunk.

I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at
the rear Of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike
you wouldn't believe! They are in trench coats, exposing their
nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.

I started to change my tire, and to my surprise, cars started
slowing down looking at my lifelike men. And of course, traffic
started backing up. Everybody was tooting their horns and
waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled
up behind me.

He got out of his car and started walking towards me. I could
tell he was not a ha ppy camper!

"What's going on here? "

"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.

"Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here
by the road?"

I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him,
"Hello-O-O-O-O-O, those are my emergency flashers!"

RedRoadster · Postby **RedRoadster** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 9:14

C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry,
but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G
have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the
fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries
to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me.
I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender
is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.
Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the
bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found
in this bar tonight."

E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with
nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking
sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major
development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit
and everything else, and is au natural.
Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's
under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of
contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced
to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional
facility.

Ranger · Postby **Ranger** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 9:14

HAHA I'm glad I know enough about music to find that funny, that was great...

kingtut · Postby **kingtut** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:14

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/445498/robotic_beer_launching_refrigerator/

Postby **RX-7 Chris** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:14

that's great but aren't the beers going to explode.

kingtut · Postby **kingtut** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:14

RX-7 Chris wrote:that's great but aren't the beers going to explode.

LOL, yeah you'd think so. However this clip seems to put things into better perspective (I don't get utube at work, so I'm not 100% sure this is the clip I think it is....the guy appeared on Letterman to demonstrate)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3ysomqy86U - 98k

kingtut · Postby **kingtut** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:14

Salazar: Hey sexy, here's what we're gonna do-
BO: Tell me...tell me! [/playfully giggles like a school girl]
Salazar: First we'll put a stop to all oil drilling development within the US....THEN we'll put impossible mandates on all auto manufacturers; further crippling them.....THEN we'll implement a per mile gas tax on all vehicles, raise registration fees so Ritter can have a 'piece'....and last, we'll tack on a dollar per gallon tax at the pump! [/evil laugh]
BO: You 'da man yo! What would I do without you [/taps Salazar's rear end]

Postby **RX-7 Chris** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:14

that's great

Colombia28 · Postby **Colombia28** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:14

HAHAHA! tut you rule!

kingtut · Postby **kingtut** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:14

Colombia28 wrote:HAHAHA! tut you rule!

Thanks Columbia! [/Tut takes a bow] You can attribute that to pure boredom here at work:).....which isn't a good sign by the way

AIM WO4 · Postby **AIM WO4** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:14

What the hell is this thread about????

wyosaint · Postby **wyosaint** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:14

lol @ flat tire!

kingtut · Postby **kingtut** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 9:14

The Four Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer,

the second man an Accountant,

the third a Chemist, and

the fourth was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat,
"T-square, do your stuff."

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen
and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said,

"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.
He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.

Everyone agreed that was good..

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,
"Measure, do your stuff."

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said,
"What can your cat do?"

The Government Employee called his cat and said,
"CoffeeBreak, do your stuff."

CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet........

ate the cookies........

drank the milk.......

sh*t on the paper.......

screwed the other three cats.......

claimed he injured his back while doing so.......

filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.......

put in for Workers Compensation...............and
went home for the rest of the day on sick leave............

AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!

Postby **RX-7 Chris** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 9:14

haha that is great

tsx_guy · Postby **tsx_guy** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 9:14

nice one tut...I had to change my shorts...

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